Eight Reasons to Ride a Bike

Bikers are a source of unending trepidation and annoyance for motorists, while motorists are a source of unending death to bikers.  The trade off seems fair enough. Living in Chicago, I ride my bike everywhere that I go. I don’t own a car and detest public transit. Many folks have a hard time understanding how cyclists have the nerve in traffic with the high level of sweat, danger, and fear involved. For the person who hasn’t cycled the thought of riding a bike through rush hour traffic down town might seem outright crazy. However, we cyclists have our reasons. Reasons I believe that should make it abundantly clear why everyone should own a bike and use it for transportation as much as possible. So presented below in simple list format are some reasons why I bike. Hopefully by giving eight reasons I make you feel secure, as if my reasoning is sound and complete. Even though eight just happened to be the number of reasons I thought of.

Greenhouse Gasses

Even if you buy the global warming thing, I bet you still believe in acid rain. You don’t see the Weekly Standard or Fox News debating that Mexico City has a smog problem. Though I don’t want to have to pay Al Gore a penny for every square decimeter of my carbon foot print, I am still mindful of the effects vehicle emissions have on my environment. Perhaps living in the south loop in Chicago for a semester has increased my awareness of exhaust pipes. I remember waking up, excited to start a new day. I was singing in the shower, whistling in the halls, smiling while I drink my morning coffee. Then I walked outside to take a deep breath of a new day’s fresh air, only to choke on the exhaust of a semi trucks and taxi cabs on State St. Though I am only one less car on the road, no one is gagging so that I can get around.

Self Reliance

Thanks to my bicycle I’m not dependent on Mr. Bush or Mr. Cheney to get around. When I need to get some where neither Chevron Exxon, British Petroleum, nor the House of Saud gets involved.  I move. They don’t move me. There is no need for wind turbines or electric motors. We are the original green energy. Of course there are questions about how the global food supply chain is moving to me so I can move my bike, but let’s not get into that.  In modernity self reliance is more of a fallacy that achievable goal. It’s hard to remember when you couldn’t buy just about anything pre-cooked, frozen, and waiting for the microwave. Not to mention the mass exploitation that provides us with this junk we don’t need so that we can spend all our money on it and be unhappy with it. Keep in mind that while assembling the confusing pre manufactured dresser you bought from Ikea might make you feel like you accomplished something that doesn’t count as self reliance. While it is impossible to be completely self sufficient, riding a bike brings you a little bit closer to a near impossible goal.

Health

The U.S.A. is the fattest nation on earth. Ours is the only nation on earth to have a problem of too much food. Other nation’s should offer to send us their hungry to come over here to and snatch the last riblet off  Uncle Harold’s  plate before he has his third triple bi-pass. The dollars in healthcare savings over the long run by taking on the starving masses of the globe could total in the billions. Or we could just all exercise more and eat less crap. Riding a bike leads to both. At first you get some exercise. Then you lose a little weight. Then you notice when you eat right biking is more fun because you have more sustained energy. Then one day you wake up and you’ve ceased to be the overindulgent, lazy, stereo type of an American you once were.

Excuse for looking like a Nerd

Remember back when you thought wrapped sunglasses were cool. Deep down inside, you still kind of do. Here is your excuse to bust out the lamest pair of super sleek looking glasses you can find. No one will call you Zulu as long as you’re riding a bike. But the fun doesn’t end there. Skinny jeans, shirts you thought were too small, and flood pants are all geeky trends you can blame on your cycling habit. Not to mention how chic cycling shoes are. Nothing says trendsetter like the click-clack of carbon soled shoes with pedal cleats. When night falls the rules are really off. Neon reflective clothing and headlamps are both fine. That is right you don’t have to be camping or spelunking to where a flash light on your forehead. You can also rock that hot-pink vinyl pleasure suit with sequins you bought when you were just way, way too drunk.

To look Death in the Eye

Modern day Americans are cowards. Paranoia is practically the national pastime. Street gangs, Al Queda, the boss at work, looking fat, drug dealers, anthrax, identity theft, cancer, school shootings, the stock market, the government, the Chinese; is there anything we aren’t scared of?  The pilgrims were worried about making it through the winter. Today were get nervous about changing our phone service provider. Our forefathers revolted against the British. Today politicians are scared to revolt against Wall Street.  Alexander Hamilton died in a duel! Let’s see George W. Bush get challenged to a duel and keep a clean pair of trousers. Beside anachronisms from our own history think of all the people today around the world that are forced to confront danger. While you are getting apprehensive about whether to go skim or soy in your latte, someone else is making a life or death decision.

Human kind wasn’t meant to be so timid. Humans are brilliant animals capable of terrible things. There is no reason to get apprehensive about next year’s property tax hikes. We live such safe lives within our SUV’s and homes only looking out through the distorted porthole named television. It’s no wonder we are scarred of the harmless. We’ve forgotten what real danger is. Biking will remind you. Nothing gets your heart pumping like riding the wrong way through traffic while busses, trucks, and cabs buzz past in the opposite direction at thirty miles per hour. If you’re so lucky, hitting the pavement will remind you of how delectably soft you are. By appreciating those moments of real danger, bullshit dangers all of a sudden seem far away and irrelevant. When you hear the word terror you think of the back wheels on a semi, not some dude strapping explosives to his groin that bystanders are going to end up beating to a pulp anyway.

Traffic

Motorists love to bitch about how cyclists slow them down. I’ve rode with many drivers who moan, grown, and wince upon coming behind a cyclist. They pass them in a huff only to get stopped at the next light. Then they pout about the cyclist running the light. If you are one of these motorists, note that if person wasn’t on a bike they’d be in a car. Instead of passing and then getting passed at the light you’d be behind them. There is a reason you don’t see bikes in gridlock traffic, they have nothing to do with it. Riding a bike through the city is like a running hot knife cliché through a vat of simile butter. Driving a car through the city is like trying to smash through the butter ocean with a sludge hammer. I brought a scalpel and you brought a wood chipper. Quit complaining. Let’s operate. Oh you’re stuck in traffic burning up gas at $3 gallon. Well I only have on thing to say “Ya’ should‘a rode a bike!”

Community

Cycling offers the opportunity for plenty of socializing. If you see someone sexy and you’re in a car and they are in a car there is no way to chat them up, but if you’re biking… oh yes. I believe “Bwah chica bwo waow,” is the phrase I’m looking for. Flirty opportunities abound. In a corporate gig? Competitive cycling is a great way to get in good with a boss. The type-A personalities who end up in management are drawn to competitive cycling because it’s so expensive and an at least some what macho activity you can do pretty much up until death. Corporate types trigger you gag reflex? There are plenty of counter culture riders out there too. Events like the Naked Bike Ride, which is a global “bare as you dare” phenomenon to promote clean transport and positive body image, are great opportunities to meet people who have fallen off the assembly line. You can also get your jollies off my screaming “Happy Friday!” at befuddled motorists with folks at Critical Mass, a ride done the last Friday of each month to promote biking in most cities. This brings me to my next point.

Bikes are Fun!

“Bikes are fun!” the semi-official rationale behind Critical Mass makes perfect sense and is a great reason to ride a bike. Has planning for your retirement, working 50 hours a week at a job you hate, or losing your home to foreclosure crushed your inner-child. Well you can un-crush the innocence and cheerfulness long trodden upon by hoping on a velo.  Just ride, ride, and ride until it feels like your problems are very far away. Don’t worry. You don’t actually have to ride far away. Your inner-child can’t tell that you’re going in circles.  We all remember those training wheels coming and the joy of leaning into the turn for the first time. If you haven’t been on a bike in a while you can experience it all over again. Go for a ride and see how fast you can go. Trust me, it never gets old, but it is always familiar. Yes, riding a bike again is just like… eh, never mind. Anyways, until next time, pump the pedals not the petrol.

~ by theparkinglotfields on January 16, 2010.