Causes I Officially Don’t Give a Shit About!
These days there are so many causes out there that it is hard to care about each one. So in an attempt to delineate use full causes from completely pointless causes I will here expound the three causes that I just don’t give a shit about.
#3 Diabetes
I understand we have a diabetes is nearly an epidemic in this country and in many others. However, when half the world is starving I have a hard time donating money so that the other half can continue to eat all the food without getting the health problems that goes along with it.
To be clear Type I diabetics I have sympathy for. It sucks you got the short straw when the G-man was handing out genetics. Sorry that you have to constantly check your blood sugar and inject insulin in your arm or risk death.
On the other hand, type II or “acquired diabetes” comes from a life time of eating junk food. For Type II diabetics I have no sympathy. After thirty some odd years of a high-fuctose corn syrup and fat based diet you expect me to give you money to find a cure? I’ll give you a cure. Set down the Mt. Dew and Corn Chips and go for a jog. Try eating some vegetables fat-ass. If my penchant for frozen pizza and fast food fair lands me in hospital someday so be it. A man is only meant to eat so many pizza rolls after a certain point edible food like substances have their revenge. Make no mistake that fatty salty snack is getting you high and that endorphin rush comes with some negative effects. Namely increased risk of stroke, diabetes, hypertension, heart-disease, and obesity.
#2 Abortion
Political science professors love to bring up Abortion. They like this topic because it gets people hot under the collar. Nothing stirs debate like accusations of sexism and baby-killing. Personally I find this topic boring. People have been aborting their babies for thousands of years. In fact abortion predates Christianity. So what in Hell makes people think they can stop people from getting abortions?
When abortion was illegal women still aborted pregnancies. In Chicago women started the Jane Collective. A group created so that women wouldn’t have to trust profiteering amateurs who didn’t care about the safety of the procedure. Just like drugs, because there is a demand, abortion can be prohibited, but not eradicated. The only difference is now Suzy Skipped-a-Pill is going to risk getting her loins torn out because she doesn’t want to spend the rest of her life tending to result of one too many mojitos and a vow not to end up at home watching Carrie and Samantha’s quest to find the perfect pair of heels. The heels that will make everything better.
Yet year after year pro-lifers march on. The pious hordes descend on Washington D.C. once a year for a pro-life march. This huge demo draws tens of thousands of people deluded enough to think they can dictate to 300 million people what and what not to do with their genitals, the greater half of which are too scared to touch their own genitals for fear of blindness.
Hilariously enough a pro-life stance is widely recognized as a “conservative” political belief. The conservatism that is pro-war and anti-social spending. So fetuses shouldn’t be harmed ever but once born they shall receive no Medicaid, no food stamps, and no welfare. If you are a child born in another country it is much worse. Conservatives will either exploit your labor or bomb you. It would almost be better to be dead. unfortunately that isn’t a bad joke. Many people in war-torn countries actually feel that way. It doesn’t take watching too many documentaries about Afghanistan or the Congo to find some-one wishing they hadn’t been born. If you need further convincing that this issue is moot, consult George Carlin.
#1 Cancer
Unless you have lost a parent, sibling, or child you really have no room to bitch at me for this. I’ve lost three Grandparents to cancer. However, you still won’t find me on any cancer walks. No issue is so safe and ego-centric as cancer. Taking a stand against cancer is up there with not liking war, not actually taking stand for peace. Not protesting in the streets or writing your congressman. That would demand courage to disagree. I mean Just saying that war is an unfortunate and ugly thing.
No one likes cancer. However, we live in a carcinogenic society. If it isn’t the cigarettes chemically engineered to keep smokers hooked then its the genetically modified string beans. If it isn’t the genetically modified string beans well it might be all that weed-killer and pesticides. If the weed-killer and pesticides don’t do the trick just go hang out under some power lines.
Most cancers kill old people. We are so self-centered that instead of making sure others have access to clean water so infants won’t have to die from diarrhea, we’d rather make sure we can live another twenty-five years past God intended. After we eat our genetically engineered fried chicken and choke down another pack of Camels for sixty years we still want more. Meanwhile kids aren’t making it past their first year due to diseases that are generally considered, in this country, not life threatening.
The Parking Lot Fields 